How do you want to…die?

I was taking the bus home with some acquaintances and the subject of death came up. Someone said that she wanted to die in a car accident, and I told her I wanted to die of old age, if not, then of a long, terminal illness. Another guy then proceeded to ask me, “You want to live to very old? ” And I told him, I want to live for as long as I can. Then he said, “You’re going to be all brittle. I don’t want to live until I’m old. I don’t want to be 60. Maybe I’ll want to die around 50”

That was actually quite a shocking response to me. Why are people afraid of growing? And why would one ever dream to terminate ones life before becoming a senior? I think the two most beautiful stages in life lies in childhood and elder-hood. Those two come almost in parallel. The immature vs the mature, the beginning vs end. Yet both so innocent and fragile. The most precious sight is seeing a child holding their grandparent’s hand.

I use to want to die in my sleep, or in a plane crash, or in an explosion. As long as it is quick, painless and unanticipated. I think the fear comes from knowing that you are soon to die, and I would prefer to be spared from such knowledge. But you never know for certain what you really want, or how you will react to something, until you experience it. I’ve been a witness to both a sudden and a bedridden death, and I’ve come to realize how regretful it is to be unaware of your own passing.  Regretful to the loved ones still on Earth, and to the one who is no longer present.

Everyone should be granted the right to say their last words to people they will see for the last time. It is so painful to watch someone leave without saying goodbye; so painful to still have so much to tell them once they’re already gone. And I believe that all those who have died unknowingly would want to have another chance to say the words left unsaid.

One good thing about an illness is it will push me to fight for my life. It will bring families and friends together. It will unite people. Sharing each other’s burden is a big comfort, and such a loving support. It’s about finally cherishing what I’ve so much taken for granted. I hope I won’t give into death so easily. Life is the only thing I’ve ever had. And if I lose the battle, then God has chosen a time, and at least I will say my last words, and hear the last words being said to me. Gosh, I just can’t imagine how many ‘thanks’ and ‘sorries’ and ‘I love yous” I would need and desperately want to say. I should start saying them at every opportunity… let people know how much they mean to me before it’s too late…

I want to die of old age. To be able to go through adulthood, learn all that life has to offer me, and then sit back and rest. I want to share my experiences with the younger generation, share some advice, and tell them that in the end, all struggles are worth it. Whether or not I will still have a memory, whether or not I could still walk or eat by myself, I think at that stage in life, death comes at the right moment, and it comes very peacefully. When I’m on my bed, all wrinkled and frail, hopefully surrounded by families and friends, I will think to myself, “It’s time for me to go. I’m ready.”



109 thoughts on “How do you want to…die?

  1. this is kina weird, i was just talking to my friends abt dying yesterday.i think i’d wanna die when im like 180 years old and too tired of life. Im pretty sure by that point, i’ll have seen everything in the world and nothing would interest me anymore.

  2. It’s certainly a respectable outlook you have, but I guess I’m just not mature enough to plan out what I would want out of my end like that. I feel as though even if I live to be old and withered, I still won’t be ready to let go of life gracefully.I want to be that crotchety old lady down the street who has a cane and ten cats, has outlived people younger than her, and doesn’t take shit from anyone. I want to shop lift and pass it off as being senile. To tell kids stories right on that borderline of fantastic, so they aren’t sure whether they can believe it or not. And…for good measure, to whack children and adults alike with said cane of mine whenever they’re in my way or not listening :3.It’s a very rude creature I plan on becoming if I reach old age, but it just seems like incredible fun.

  3. I want to die on my own terms, a luxury I know that I’ll realistically probably never have. Either that, or I want to die in my fifties. I don’t want to grow old. I hated being a child, I can’t imagine enjoying being old.

  4. @Julx – Really? less than 200 years, and you’d be BORED?! How depressing. I’d bet you hadn’t even put in the idea of learning how to play Chopin, or teach Chopsticks to your grandchild, inventing a new game, or making a desk from scratch. Learning to cook, swimming (almost) naked in a creek with good friends… 200 years is barely a start, as long as you’re continually re-inventing/adding on to yourself. The only way to really be bored is to BE BORING.@o8NiGhT_ShAdE8o – I sorta like that… excepting I’d be telling TRUE but unbelievable stories, if I could – so live your YOUNG life so that kids you tell your REAL stories to would NEVER be willing to believe them! (There’s a country song about… cowboy bill? maybe the Texas ranger who grew old and told stories that nobody believed until he died, and they went through his belongings.)LIVE unbelieveably!@shortstuf809 – The best way to die is to have LIVED heroically – by standing up in class for the guy the teacher is berating, by taking the side of the guy being bullied, by NOT cheating at a test, by helping more than anyone has a right to expect, even that ugly, mean, smelly old person down the block who hates everyone. Don’t be stupid, but dying heroically generally requires to live both heroically AND to live self-disciplined so that you A) avoid both illness and blackmail, and B) develop enough character to follow through with. (yes that was bad grammar)Live heroically… and a heroic death is pretty much assured!

  5. I want to live as long as I can, but I guess we don’t have complete control of that but I would never shorten my own life. I hope it is relatively painless death but I don’t want it to happen when I am not conscious, I want to feel every moment, every breath that shortens, and aware of every thought and living memory of my mind as my body lets go of life, and I enter the darkness. So yeah, none of the hope to go in my sleep or not see it coming thing.

  6. i work part time in a nursing home. my coworkers and i talk about how we would choose to die frequently. usually it comes down to would we rather lose our minds to dementia or our bodies first.

  7. This exact same subject been going through my head lately.  It’s a question of the million of years talked about…only thing is the “Unknown.”  We think like that when we are young, then we turn the age we think we don’t want to see.  Wow, wake up and smell the coffee…have you ever heard of the “living Dead?  Don’t live like a dead person without a soul…zombie!  Enjoy this day, this minute, second because that is all we have is this moment in time and space..Thank You!

  8. I like life… but I’m not too sure about not being able to take care of myself. Anyway, I’m glad you have the outlook you do. Somebody’s got to make it up for the rest of us selfish bastards that don’t want to get wrinkly.

  9. @SnakeWhore – Exactly. A prisoner in one’s own body? Or a mental derelict adrift in a sea of illusion? No thanks. I’d rather launch my cerebellum through the top of my skull with a high-speed piece of copper-jacketed lead.I’ve seen plenty of death… both the “peaceful” sort (it’s not quite as “peaceful” or “dignified” as you imagine, even just going to sleep and never waking up–there’s always a catch), and the violent, traumatic, sudden sort. In the end, it’s death, and it’s messy and undignified. As for me… just toss me in the nearest dumpster and have the garbageman give a respectful nod as he dumps my bod in the landfill with the rest of the used-up crap. At least I’m biodegradeable. Eco-friendly even.I love how people tend to view death as a question of “if”. It’s not. It’s a question of when, how, and where. If, however, doesn’t enter into the equation.

  10. I’m a soldier so there always a possibility to die in combat but i would rather go out of this world old while giving them a hug or something.Like transfering all my love into some one <.<

  11. I want to die of world-weariness (i.e., grow so tired of being a part of this world that my body just surrenders to death) around the age of forty-three. That gives me twenty-six years, which sounds like plenty of time to me.@Hong_Wei_Loh – I thoroughly agree with the last line. “Death smiles at all of us. All we can do is smile back.” (I think that’s a quote from Gladiator)

  12. i am totally exactly like you. i used to want to die in sleep but after reading an article a year ago i changed my mind. because i want to show my love to those around me before i die. and yes, to be loved.

  13. Really? I’ve always thought that was so boring to die in my sleep at an old age. I’d rather die really dramatically… like in the movies. Death is essentially the most important part of my life. I mean… it’s the end – of me! So I’d want it to be memorable. I wanna go with a big BANG! =)

  14. @togodsownglory – who says I don’t live that way? You you need to calm down.I HAVE helped that kid in class beforeI DON’T cheat on testsand I’ve dealt with that person no one else wants to.I also don’t see that as living “heroically” I see that as just trying to be a good person, as we all should.

  15. I’m always prepared to die. I’m not afraid because it is inevitable and you never know when it’s coming. Babies die, children die, teens, adults and seniors all die. Just because a person is young doesn’t mean they are off the hook. 25 year olds figure out they have Leukemia every day, you know? They don’t expect it any more than you would. But anywho, you make such a great point here when you say a slower, anticipated death is better than an instant death. I didn’t feel that way before I finished reading this entry. I already had a comment in mind to leave you but I can honestly say you’ve changed my mind. That would just be too painful for the family I’m leaving behind, them not being able to say good-bye or own up to certain things. That’s what I thought of – if my mom died unexpectedly and suddenly, I would always carry around such guilt for not telling her everything I need to get off my chest. Also, you would appreciate life a lot more once you knew you were dying. It’s funny because we’re all dying, but until we have a terminal illness it won’t fully set in. Good post! I have a persuasive speech coming up and I think you just gave me my topic.

  16. As odd as this sounds, I would prefer to die in a car crash. It’s almost a sickening urge to purposely crash my car sometimes, just to make the car spin… just so i can see if my life spins around me in circles. If I die, I die. If I see what I want to see, I see it. If I don’t, I’ll be dead and in heaven anyway, so why be concerned?No, I am not suicidal, just very fascinated with death.

  17. I wish to die while saving someone’s life. Either being shot for them, or lying on a grenade to protect them from the blast. That way I know my life wasn’t a total waste. If I can’t have the duty death, I want to die young. Life isn’t that exciting, and it doesn’t really hold any good for me. So probably have a family and then go see my Lord.

  18. Take it from one who is old and getting older, old ain’t all that great.  It has some benefits.  You can see what’s coming a lot clearer.  You can predict what people are going to do a lot more accurately.  Getting out of bed and unbending your body gets harder every day.  But this life, this body, this brain, this soul, are the only one you have, so best not throw it away before you’ve used it all up.You want to read about my experiences getting old? Best Gray Dourman

  19. talking about this subject with acquaintances????Really?I’m jealous. The number one problem for me right now is social anxiety. I wish I could touch such deep and meaningful topics with even my close friends. But that was completely off topic. How I want to die… like a wisp of smoke, or maybe a flash of lightning. I don’t want to leave a stain on people’s lives. People talk about leaving marks and making a difference, but I don’t want to be fussed about. [dangling prepositions and passive tense for the win – but who’s judging? ;P]In less poetic terms… I want to die in my sleep, I suppose. I wish I could be more creative, but that’s it. Close my eyes and never wake up.

  20. If you live to thirty you’re doing it wrong. I want die in my sleep, I don’t care how. Best case scenario would be a massive heroin overdose, maybe choke on my own vomit but be too doped out to realize it or just pass out and stop breathing.

  21. I’m so touched with the way you wrote these words, for me I think the best thing to do is to take advantage of not knowing your end in a good way. As prophet Mohamed said “live each day as it’s your first and last day” by then you will love everyone and being loved by everyone, by then you will never be afraid of being old, because there will always be someone beside you then you would not be afraid of dying, because you would know that you did what you have to do…good luck and enjoy each second

  22. Death is usually a somewhat touchy subject but it’s our time to rest and be at peace. I think the ideal way to die is when your looking into the eyes of a loved one and telling them something they will always cherish and remember, like “hold on to your strength” , or “always follow your heart” . Somethingg like that :) .

  23. I find it interesting how we humans become more alive when we see our death coming close to our faces. A year ago, I was diagnosed with two chronic diseases. Yes my world shattered but I’ve manged to pick up the pieces and change my life. Know that nothing is for granted here and that today we are here and tomorrow we are gone. My illness has only made me stronger and I am now living a life free or fear and regrets. I’m always ready to die and know that any day is good. Know that the future doesn’t exist. I’ve learned to live in the now because in a very real sense today is all we have. I used to want to die in my sleep or in a quick death but those are just plans for the future, something that doesn’t exist. You never know when death will come to you but it always comes. So always be ready and celebrate life everyday not only on the days that death comes close to your face. Live in the present! Enjoy this moment and what you have now, don’t waste your time lingering in the past or what would happen, just be.

  24. one of the greatest mysteries of mankind is not the beginning of life, but death. everyone knows how they are born, but nobody knows if heaven exists. I believe that yes, a God to wait for me there. but I know other people. but that’s it. hopefully one day know it.

  25. I wanted to die in my prime, by 30, but that’s approaching all too soon, now, so reconsidering. For sometime, I’ve wanted to go skydiving without having to bother with parachute BS, so I figured that’d be a good way to die (hopefully die. lol).

  26. wow. i agree with you — i want to live in old age. i really really want to be able to watch my grandchildren grow up. one of my biggest fears in life is dying with regrets, so i really want the chance to say goodbye. but i mean, if it gets to the point where i’m just a living vegetable and can’t form a real thought anyway, then let me go. there’s no reason to keep going then, and i don’t want my future family to see me that way.

  27. This is going to sounds reall weird but I’ve always imagined the perfect death for me is suicide. The world is just so cruel and full of pain, sometimes I wonder if it’s really worth it :/ and I want to die young, not that I’m afraid of getting old, I don’t want to look back on life and think to myself “what was the point of trying if in the end we all end up nothing.” but that’s just me.

  28. Being in the prime of being old is all nice and dandy, but being old – to the point of shitting yourself and almost dying from falling down, I don’t think I would want to endure.

  29. @shortstuf809 –  I want to die in this way too. For a long time this has been the way I’ve thought would be the best way to go. Though for me it doesn’t have to be a stranger; I just want to die saving someone else’s life.

  30. I always said I wanted to die at age 32..I can’t live past anymore of my family members…But I probably will..I always had a feeling I would pass away in a car accident….But most of the time  my feelings don’t happen…So, for now….I’m living just to live…….and if I make until I’m 3294 years old..Hey I will set a record :)

  31. “while i had often said that i wanted to die in bed, what i really meant was that in my old age i wanted to be stepped on by an elephant while making love.”zelazny is the best

  32. In a way where I prank people that I’m dead and splatter strawberry syrup everywhere, and now that I look at the piano on your site I’d want there to be an organs next to me (both instrument-wise, and maybe one or two bodily ones) and an orchestra next to me playing a mix of You Make My Dreams Comes True and Baby Got Back…this is my whole I’m-pretending-I’m-dead thing btw. And they’d think I’m dead and then I would pop up and do a little dance and be like SUCKAAS. and then I’d really die after we go out to dinner and then I choke on some cheesecake.That’s how I see it going down..but ideally, I suppose I’d just want to die in my sleep after I feel accomplished enough and before I’m being treated like a baby or put into a nursing home when I get older.

  33. I am not afraid of growing old; what is there to be afraid of? When the time comes, there’s nothing you can do about it. However, I am not ready to accept it. No way. I want to live forever, forever young. The first three decades of life are the best, no doubt about it. So the prospect of aging does bother me. Does it frighten me? Nah, bothers me…Life should be appreciated at all stages of life, nothing should be taken for granted. But to appreciate old age when you are young and also to look forward to it?? I just can’t. I will probably learn to accept it when the time comes and to do my best to enjoy living as a senior, but not right now. Funny thing really, it is this very mentality of living in the moment that will allow me to welcome old age with open arms. It will all depend on how much I have accomplished in my life-time, as well as how well I have succeeded in doing things without regrets.Finally, in my opinion, growing old is not a “treat”. It is a sad reflection of the fragility of the human body and mind. Both deteriorate to the point of no reverse. It is the signal of the beginning of the end of life on Earth. Yet, as long as we can maintain a positive outlook on things at that time, then it may not be that bad. We’ll see…

  34. Now that I am over 50, I sure do want to live long past 60. I want to live as long as possible, however, when the time does come, I’d like it to be straight down in a 747.

  35. I made this conclusion about dying when I was around 12. I told myself and friends that I wanted to die a death that was excruciatingly painful and slow. I felt like if I wanted to die, I didn’t want it to be something obscure and uneventful. I wanted a death passionate enough to make me *feel* like I’ve never felt before. I want to experience death to the fullest of my body’s capacity, after all, it will be the last experience I will ever have. Though I’m still not exactly sure how I’d want it to play out; whether it be natural or deliberate.

  36. Everyone wants to live forever, however, our life here on earth is short-lived. So stop being unrealistic! And I hate these types of questions, because I do not like thinking about myself dead, although I know one day it is going to happen. But I dont really care how I died, as long as I did something memorable in my lifetime and I am remembered positively and not as a burden.

  37. I want to die gently.  I’m going to be honest.  I dont’ want some knock out drag out death for the benefit of another, but since I said that that’s what’ll happen.  I want to feel warm and loved even if the latter is an act or the result of drugs.

  38. I think having that final moment to say good bye is precious. Getting in those last few words before you lose someone you love is a huge step in the grieving process. Although we know that saying good bye isn’t easy, it’s definitely rewarding and when my time comes I hope to have the chance either face to face or in a hand written letter.

  39. I want to die in the most shockingly painful way because you never get to experience that sort of ‘sensation’ when you’re alive. As long as it’s a guarantee that I’m going to die of course, and a bit on the quicker side.

  40. this is kind of weird but thinking about it, i don’t know if i’ll jump or if i’ll be pushed or if i’ll accidentally stumble off the golden gate. i just think it’d be nice to fall to my death.

  41. Yes but the thing is, human memory only encapsulates so much. We would have to be processing something, we just cannot place a term or define it in our current form. We would simply become something else and have different workings. Human life would not be our “natural state.” Our dead bodies would be our natural state and there is a process in the decay, as well as the spreading of the ashes if we become ash. We would become either part of the grass and soil, or part of the sky and dust.

  42. hey lifes about atitude, we can enjoy life at any age, Im 53 and still have just completed painting my 7th townhouse unit since christmas and have enjoyed climbing around on a ladder 7m why ever think you will want to give up at 30 or 43 or ever,some people i know got a fence built right around there property,the guy who did it was 80!!  he did a better job than anyone else and enjoyed doing it.we just need to leave our life in the hands of the One we were made to glorifyand our feelings will rise to a whole new contentment level.why worry about things in the future like death.we all have to face it some day,Ive been run over, fallen 3 times , had guns in my face,been left uncocious in the gutter , but now and scince I met Jesus my my life has been an adverture and I know that anyone who calls on the name of the lord will be saved!And this means eterally saved , from what every is beyond death. So Put your hand in the hand of the man Jesus and your life will find a whole new meaning. and never lose hope, He can make a way when there is no way     Michael One day even death will be gone.!

  43. I have to agree with your friend. I don’t want to be old when I die. I don’t want the last memories of people to have of me are sickly, bedridden, breaking down one piece at a time. I don’t want to see their grieving faces with their knowledge of my fate.I’d like to think that it gives me a tiny bit more inspiration to live. If I AM going to die at a young age, I don’t have an awful lot of time to be wasting, now, do I?Good post.

  44. I don’t know if i want to die young…just not too old. If i’m in a state of decreased or limited physical health i will be miserable and not want to live. (And being old hurts because you see all of your family who is younger and other people around you, living up their youth, and you just feel so old and that your time is up and miss your own youth…misery. Kind of like when i read the book “The Good Earth.” It depressed me the way the author told the story through generations, and finally the main character was so old…I guess it’s a sense of happiness also to see your family prosper and grow though.) And the last thing i want to die of is a terminal disease…~thinks of cancer~ My fear is not exactly of the dying itself. I hate to be a wimp, but the reason for dreading that is the pain. They’ll try to treat you…and you just keep living in pain and sadness until finally you perish. A sad way to die i think. But dying young would be sad too…so many things left to see, and things left unaccomplished….I guess a crash or explosion would not be bad. The thing is, i’m torn…i would not really want to go out with no warning whatsoever. I don’t want to die unexpectedly; i need to be prepared, and also i need to sort of clean up my things so that the ones who have survived me don’t have to navigate through heaps of the things i have left behind and see all of my personal things. But knowing i will die soon, and living with pain and sadness is not a good way either. I would rather (impossible though) come to know through some prophetic means that i will die a sudden death; that way i can know when but the moment will be sudden. But i don’t even know why i’m wishing for that. I know that i will die by my worst feat, doubtless. That’s just the way life screws me over. Or maybe it’s the work of karma.. i’ll die in a horrible way for the horrible things i;ve done (not really so bad, I guess i think about this a lot. Sorry for this heap of garbage post. :

  45. There’s nothing to afraid of when it comes to death. It’s the inevitable. It happens when it happens. I used to think I’d want to die in my forties, before I become old and frail and watch my body deteriorate with my mind. But, forty-something is entirely too young. That’s when life just starts getting good, when you’re at a stable place in your life and have your family developing around you. I think when you’re old enough to look back on your life and what you’ve accomplished and be proud of everything you’ve been through, that’s when you’re almost ready to go. You should be able to lie on your deathbed and know that everything you’re leaving behind, the memories, the people, everything is  good and that your legacy was well worth the long or short trip it took to get there. In the end, the most important thing you can leave behind is your memory. So, make sure you live a life you can be proud of, do the things you want to do, be the person you want your children to be. If you do that, then it won’t matter when or how you go, because you’ll have lived the life you dreamed and the memories you leave behind will make you immortal to those who knew you.

  46. I think I would want to die by drinking too much water…If I didn’t pee myself first that is. I wouldn’t want to die of old age or anything too dramatic, I’d just commit sucide. That might sound really horrible but I’d rather do it myself and not let nature just take its course.

  47. I want to die saving someone’s life. I think I’ve said everything to my loved ones already. I don’t have much else left to say. They know how much I love them, so I don’t mind the suddenness of it. I think saving a life is the perfect way to end mine.

  48. “Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.” – Mahatma GandhiThanks for sharing. Interesting perspective. as for me, i’d “want to die in my sleep, or in a plane crash, or in an explosion. As long as it is quick, painless and unanticipated”…. it’s not the fear of unknown or “death” itself or whatever else… just prefer it to be quick/painless – so I can/will suffer less.Do want to leave you with this:”Life Is” by Mother Teresa Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.Life is beauty, admire it.Life is bliss, taste it.Life is a dream, realize it.Life is a challenge, meet it.Life is a duty, complete it.Life is a game, play it.Life is a promise, fulfill it.Life is sorrow, overcome it.Life is a song, sing it.Life is a struggle, accept it.Life is a tragedy, confront it.Life is a adventure, dare it.Life is luck, make it.Life is too precious, do not destroy it.Life is life, fight for it. Cheers!

  49. I would prefer to die doing something I enjoy. If running a marathon, jumping out of a plane, rappelling, or driving the fastest rate of speed in a sports car kill me, my life would end the way I’ve lived. That being said, I cherish every moment of my life, the good and bad, and am quite grateful for the people who have graced my life, no matter short or long their stay in it. Would I want to live to old age? The truth is, I haven’t given it much thought. I do know that I don’t want to have to be taken care of like a baby if I live to a ripe age because I’m so used to doing things on my own and for myself. If nothing dangerous takes me out, dying in my sleep would be a great way to go. All the other methods of death just don’t appeal to me…especially the car accident thing. Whew!

  50. I’m of two, equal minds on the subject. On the one hand, I’d like to live long enough to be a burden on society, because society deserves it. On the other hand, I wish it would be soon, because in my first forty years, I have seen nothing worth holding on for.

  51. This is an interesting way of looking at it. I always thought I wanted to go in a quick and painless way too, but to think that you wouldn’t get to say goodbye… I think I might be changing my mind with you.

  52. I’m 23. I must admit I don’t relish the thought of death, but neither do I think being useless (for myself) is any life worth living. I can’t say I’d be disappointed to know that I’ll be dead in the next ten years… but I’ll take whatever I get. :)


  54. I hope to die by my own hand. My whole life is out of my hands out of my control. The way I feel towards people and what is happening around me. We don’t always have a say in the most important aspects of our lives. Dying by my own hand, that’s my control.

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  56. You’ve really made me think.  Even recently I’ve said to myself, Id like to die in my sleep.  But to know that I was dying, that would change everything..It would change my life..I’m going to think about this some more…Appreciate you writing this, and sharing it with us.

  57. In my sleep, dreaming about all the happiest moments of my life so I die happily =) It’s all about happiness, even if it’s death…I would like to leave the world peacefully…knowing that everyone including family, friends, even strangers…know that I love them with all my heart before my heart stops beating. ~~I just wanted to let you all know that I love you.

  58. i would like to die old as well,but unexpected.i’m seventeen know and I had cancer, I wanted to live and survived, but you almost cannot immagine the fear, I don’t want to live through that again.

  59. just cuz that guy wants to claim that for his old age don’t mean the rest of us have to agree…i’m going to live til i’m 120 and then pass away peacefully after my morning run….

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