Almighty God?

In a way, I am truly grateful for everything. But is it God I am thankful for? I want to thank God, but I get a feeling that God isn’t behind absolutely everything. Or rather, I hope He isn’t. Because I would never be able to sustain this faith in him.

Thank you, God, for having me born a healthy baby.
But what about all the others who were born with defects?

Thank you, God, for blessing my life with an education and enough food to eat.
But what about all those living in poverty?

Thank you, God, for keeping me safe in the all the airplane flights.
But what about all the victims who were stuck in a fatal crash?

Thank you, God, for protecting me from the rain outside.
But what about everyone else who got caught in it?

You get my drift? More than feeling grateful, as if God has planned this so carefully for me, I simply feel lucky. And I’m SO thankful for the luck. I can’t imagine him picking out a handful of a lucky few and made them destined to rescue the weak. Why did he pick me to live so comfortably? If God planned our beginnings, he must have planned our ends. So what of the little girls who were kidnapped and raped and murdered?

I have never blamed God for anything. From the disasters around the world, to the deaths of all my loved ones. I can’t blame him because deep down, I believe that he isn’t behind it. It wasn’t his choice. He has no control over our fates. In this way, I am not sincere when I thank him for something I don’t think he has control over. Such as my health, my parents, my countless blessings. I believe in a God that is fair. I can’t imagine a God who deliberately took those away for some. I’d rather suffer with them. He would never sacrifice one person to bless someone else. He only sacrifices himself. From the looks of this world, from the ways of humanity, a God who has total control over everything, would not be a fair God. Luck is the only fair, unbiased chance.

To me, the power of God is in his ability to comfort, to weep. In prayer, I know he listens and he understands. And sometimes I sense him struggling to answer — as if something is stopping him, and more than anyone, He hurts the most. That is where he is almighty to me. Just his love, and the pain he has to endure above all else. He sympathizes with the poor, with the sick, with the broken hearts, not because it was his vision, but because he had no choice but to let it happen. Almighty is He, who after so long, has not forsaken this world of misery, but has kept everyone feeding off his energy.

I feel so grateful in this lifetime for being where I am. My thanks to God is not in the ways he chose to protect me, but in always trying to mend me back together, and passing me his love to one day give to those he couldn’t give to himself. This is what I believe.

Is it wrong?

Three Day Road
Joseph Boyden

This book was okay. Nice and slow pace.
Lots of foreshadowing though — the ending was obvious.

I hope you dance.

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder.
You get your fill to eat, but always keep that hunger.
May you never take one single breath for granted.
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed.
I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean.
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens.
Promise me you’ll give faith a fighting chance.

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance,
I hope you dance.
I hope you dance.

“People think pleasing God is all God cares about. But any fool living in the world can see it always trying to please us back.”

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