The very incoherent post for Brian


This entry is based on a concept we’re too familiar with: Each day is a gift. Normally I dislike clichés.. they are like over-played songs. But they’re called clichés for a reason. They are truthful sayings we’ve  come to take for granted.

As per usual, I’ve been giving life and death much thought. Lately with a positive spin to it. I am convinced that one cannot fully appreciate the marvel of being alive until one has understood the complexity of embryonic development. Let me introduce the first step: Males generate 150 million sperms per day. To put that into perspective, that’s 5000 sperms every 3 seconds (one of them, X years go, being you). Millions of them enter the uterus in a frantic search for one particular egg at a given time, resulting in 1 sperm fertilization to produce an embryo. Embryos are not fetuses. They are lumps of cells at implantation that will eventually become the fetus. And each stage is so minor like you wouldn’t believe, yet ever so crucial. Imagine everything that could have gone wrong, but didn’t… cause you’re alive and healthy. Though what I want to stress here are the countless… COUNTLESS! amount of other potential sperms that were not chosen.What happened to them? The 150 potential millions who vanish each day in every male. They simply do not exist. Life before birth is a void, a nonentity. And most “beings” never make it to see life.

Life is not a given. Whether it was coincidence or fate; God didn’t have to create you. We could have easily been part of the blank, and that would be that. It’s hard to conceptualize how privileged we are to make it out here. Therefore by definition, life is not a right either. Although I would argue everyone has a right to live… it’s depressing to say that in truth, only a small component of this universe become “living matter”. But the bright side to this is that each day is a precious gift. Every second is a benefit so rare. Some benefit more than others, but taking even only one breath in life is a huge miracle. I don’t know, to me, it’s really beautiful being alive, to be aware of survival. I know there are many sufferings in this world, but that’s an entirely different topic of humanity gone wrong. I’m not wise enough to get into that. However, when you get to witness death from natural triggers, it’s an innate response to question “why now? why me? why so unfair?” I know I do it. But there’s nothing unfair about it. You’ve come to live, you’ve seen and felt. What is there to complain about? And when you know there were people in life who loved you, you can’t ask for more. You’ve been given the most powerful inheritance of existence.

That being said, we still mourn, because of someone too beloved to let go of. And the fear of not knowing what comes beyond closed eyes. What if it’s just returning to “before birth”, to nothingness? Well, in theory, we can’t complain. Life is not a right, so death should not be wrong….right? But that’s only in theory… That’s not to say that we shouldn’t feel any regret for people born unfortunate, or when we face a loss. I think it’s important to value life and death with all that we feel, including grief, including faith and everything we’ve learned to cherish.

uuh …. ?????

I don’t know how to end this. I’m starting to counteract my own words.
I confused the heck out of myself…

-R.Kiu

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