Bullying | From a Bully’s Perspective

Bullying is a topic that is increasingly a concern to the public. Many are beginning to step forward to tell their stories, and we can see celebrities taking a firm stance against it too. All in all, we are seeing a pool of victims emerging with current and past experiences. We see a population still trying to cope with the hurt and we have an air lingering with trauma. So many victims are coming forth, but I’m starting to wonder what the bullies have to the say for themselves? Where are they, who were they, and why are they not speaking up? You will commonly hear people saying, “I used to be bullied”, but you will almost never hear people say, “I was a bully”. Well, here I am and truth be told: I was a big, fat bully, and I always will admit it (wait! let me explain! please don’t kill me yet!).

I would say I was a bully between the ages 8 and 15. But I was very selective; I didn’t bully everyone. I bullied my closest friends in complete secrecy. I would lure them into my friendship and then turn around to belittle them, exclude them, and in some instances humiliate them.  I came from a very strict private school that was very keen on kindness and good behaviors. But nobody knew about me and none of my “friends” told on me. I think I bullied so subtly, so strategically that I carefully targeted a certain type. Those who crave for belonging and those who aren’t brave enough to stand up for themselves. Wow, I sound like a sadistic maniac. It’s all very sickening to think of how manipulative and devious a child can be.

Most victims of bullying eventually grow out of it. It’s like walking out of a sand storm and suddenly the sky is clear. But on the flip side, bullies also grow out of it. This entire bullying phase tends to happen at an upcoming age; the precise era of exponential growth and change. When I was bullying, I was a kid and a teenager still discovering who I wanted to be. I was slowly learning, perhaps the hard way, about acceptance and selflessness and all that good stuff. I think by becoming someone I’m ashamed of, it pushed me to divert from continuing to live in that character. Heck, even at age 25 I’m still learning and changing to become better. I’ve made some pretty unforgivable mistakes. Growing up, I was loud, obnoxious, jealous and too proud. Today, I’ve changed to be generally the opposite. But once in a while, I can feel the residues of my inner monster resurfacing. I’m still practicing to be less full of myself, and I feel it will be a life-long challenge.

So to all those who hate bullying, I hate it just as much. It kills me to see on the news kids and teenagers who chose to end their misery in suicide. I wish they could have waited just a bit longer to see that it will get better. When bullies pass through their transient phase of “not-knowing-what-they’re-doing”, they harm so many along the way. It’s unfair. I hate who I was and I wish I could go back to undo the damage.  I hope and trust that every other former bully feels the same. I hope those still haunted by the memories not only give themselves a chance to move on, but to just as much give bullies a chance to change.

I feel obliged to end with an apology. I am sorry.

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4 thoughts on “Bullying | From a Bully’s Perspective

    • Unfortunately no, most of them changed schools within a year or two :( Maybe I should try to reconnect on Facebook… However, I did bully my best friend, who is still my best friend today, so I’m grateful for that!

  1. have ben bullied a LOT when I was younger and trust me that still now, it sometimes upset me if I think about it . back in the day i even try to kill myself because i was bullied and no one care about it not even my family, it was hard …well very hard as i was on my own dealing with something I couldn’t understand? I was young I was bullied from the age of 9 until about 15 ! 6 years of HELL . It never help me to be a stronger person honestly it made me more vulnerable and VERY sad at the time as I never hurt anyone I was a shy and over weight kid who mostly everybody use to hate . I am glad that I am from an older generation because back in my days we didn’t have Mobil phone, Facebook etc… so now I feel sorry for those kids being bullied at school and also via social network, Mobil etc. all day long and probably even at nights and during their holidays etc I feel so sorry for them must be even harder.
    You should say sorry to the peoples you bully. no one never apologise to me and I would like them to but I know they never will . The only thing that make me happy its that professionally and in my life in general I succeed I am doing my dream job , having a beautiful boyfriend etc when a lot of them are unemployed, divorced or doing jobs like collecting rubbish don’t take me wrong we need peoples collecting our rubbish but seeing few years go a guy who bullied me for years at school (he used to follow me to my house almost everyday after school insulting me for no reason and telling me how fat and ugly i was and the best things i could do was to kill myself and just so you know i did nothing to him to be treated like this !! this is the truth! )
    anyway your post was great and I am glad you were honest with it!
    if you get kids one day ..please teach them that bulling is bad and it can hurt someone very badly and scars them for life.

    • Hi Marie,
      Thanks for sharing, and I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. For me, it was only after I’ve matured that I realize how traumatic bullying can be to a person, especially if it was done chronically. And that’s what makes the entire situation so sad, because I had never really meant anything I did or said. I was just going through a phase of being a mean kid, doing mean things, which I didn’t fully understand either. Eventually, maturity catches up and I’ve just kind of changed into another person. I would like to imagine that bullies are nicer people as they become adults, and I hope that can bring you a bit of comfort? Good for you for carrying on and earning your career and living a happy life! Tables turn. When things get tough, it will get better in time. So just keep on going! I appreciate your comment :) I think your experiences have helped you grow into a stronger person you are today, even though it didn’t feel like it at the time.

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